What do you hope to find here? is it new hope? is it a final answer? is it my true name? is it the drugs I took? is it the places I’ve been? is it love? is it pain? is it death? I don’t know. the flowers died last week but he’s still been watering them every day I don’t want to be the one to tell him Honey we’re alive this is my nightmare: waking up every day

Chorus: Break me down I don’t know My own name Lead me out to the shed Heartbreaker Lifetaker You will have your way I wake up, who the fuck am i I look in the mirror maybe with these new clothes I won’t feel so confused Glaring at myself, I want something To wash the blood out of my mouth But it’s too late I already ate I’m sober cause I’m a coward Chorus I’ve suffocated all my friends Why the fuck would anyone want to talk to me? How does anyone even tolerate me? I am so insufferably boring I can’t stay happy for more than a month at a time Why does anyone even waste time on me? Maybe I’m only good for the free rides I give I don’t know It doesn’t look like it’ll get better Will you still be here if it doesn’t?

I’m no longer a shell I am a live You’d love to hate every part of the new me I sing a lot about death Because of people like you But I am not made of straw You’ll find i’m harder to burn When the flames surround Tell me jesus saves You started the fire There is death out there we both say it’s the others fault It’s cacophony the waves fell on me x2 This expanse is flat I’m the only soul for miles I look out to the shore You are miles away You glare back at me When will you see This was never meant to be? As I roam the sea I will be free The water dried today My patience left with the rain I won’t take no shit I’ll gather what I have I’ll climb into this vessel I will find my way The sea is a violent friend But a friend it is indeed I will find my way A new island a welcoming land There will be no dying This is my goddamn life You don’t get to talk about it

I don’t want to hurt you But sometimes I do I can’t be like you Chorus: I will never dance to your songs again I will never sing those words again I will never wear your clothes again I will never say I’m anything again You were there for me I care for you But this I just cannot undo I’ve set myself free Why can’t you see //chorus Will you love me? Tomorrow? I’m not a mirror But I’m made of glass Don’t throw your stones

I don’t know why I’m doing this But in my mind it just makes sense Drive in my car somewhere far The two of us You’re smiling at me It probably means nothing But I can’t shake it All last winter I couldn’t shake it So here I am To let you know I can’t let it go But how could I possibly let you know? Cuz I’m a loser in the end I just can’t continue to play pretend Because every time I hear that song You’re in my mind It feels stupid, it’s probably stupid, I’ll be stupid for you Count on me I guess I’m always second best But at least you’ll keep me around It feels stupid, it’s probably stupid, I’ll be stupid for you If it doesn’t work You know where to find me Do all the drugs I said I never would Hide inside all day Listening to wavves We’ll make the gray Fade away And maybe you’re just waiting on me Like I wait on the weather It’s never better I wish I could say something The sun is out I’m new again This song just ends You’ll never know It’s not right I should quit while i’m ahead It’s a lose lose Always was always will I fell apart again “beach life-in death” It’s just like he said “I hope that you were looking for me”

I miss those summers I miss those hot days Paperhaus young love No long term plans Everything set Everything “cool” Carefree all spring Now everything breaks Every September I don’t know who I should be If I went back home To where we used to walk I wonder would anyone remember me But these worries would follow me I don’t know what to do with my life The desert can’t change that And it’s so cold here Just like old friends Just like my heart Just like the songs I sing The magic is gone Everyone’s changed I hate all my friends Or at least most of them That’s what I say To get through the day Take me back to house shows And losing my voice You always love what you can’t get back You always learn from past missed calls Well let me tell you what I’ve become: I am a losing bet I am your worn-out shoes I am nothing you want I am a bird with a nail through her wing I am a cat that was hit by a car If I cannot move how will I live? I am uselessness I am uselessness Tell me it’s not like this forever Tell me I won’t go out so soon Two years I bled for this Will anyone even remember me? It has rained every day As I sink into the sea Finally I will be free I am uselessness

Caramel fox don’t lay down in the dark Don’t turn to hopelessness I want not to see you suffer Don’t look back in envy look back in serenity It’s not easy Nothing is I never meant To cause you pain I won’t leave you Out in the rain I stand at a distance Because I must You will run again The sun is out it’s shining on me Please know that this was hard for me as well I did not do this, She did not do this It was simply the change of a season I don’t know the reason No one can truly understand Do not grow in bitterness You will be strong again You will learn to laugh again Your smile has not forsaken you I was never perfect Let us not act as if I was I will go my way please go on your own There is so much more than just me You have the whole world to see. The fox grew up he fought off the reaper He said goodbye to the goddamn dreamer

If I wake up tomorrow You’ll know I’m still all talk I never learned to walk this way If I make it through another day Maybe I’ll accept that I’m not brave It’s just another pain I still think about taking my life sometimes But it’s such a goddamn hassle I don’t know how you don’t get sick of me When I sleep I feel free Can I lean against your arm? Can I admit that I am weak? I’m so tired of playing strong It’s been 8 years I still have no answers I still have no goddamn answers

Did you learn anything from breaking? Did you learn anything from fighting with yourself? I learned a lot about my insides and out I don’t think I’m strong enough to be what you need I think I’ll find a place where it rains every day I think I’ll find a place where nothing’s okay Are we cool? Sometimes I don’t know Alright? Okay. I don’t care about finishing college It’s been too long I’ll just lay down And let the waves wash over me I’m not what you expected me to be I wish I was braver and smarter I wish I cared less about art And more for science I wanna make you proud I wanna be a star.

it was kinda rainy today and I am kinda crazy for you if I tell you the truth I hope it sounds charming Cuz I don’t know What else I should do This happened kind of suddenly But I can’t really complain Cuz you keep me up all night Smiling at my phone And who’d complain about that? / And I blocked the sunshine in your photo You pretended you were mad at me We stayed around until the moonlight Was about to leave I hope that somehow I Can make you stick around Because after tonight I want many more nights Just the same / And I just can’t explain how much things seemed to change But I really can’t complain Your smile could light up a room I wish you were close to me All the time And I don’t know why I took so long to come to this conclusion To say something that you and I knew were both thinking But when it happened it felt like I was dreaming And hell I don’t really wanna wake up I hope summer lasts forever I hope this moment lasts forever / Because it was so magical When you were close to me I don’t want it to be a distant memory / I hope you know I mean it I hope you know I wanna stay close to you I hope you stick by my side Because you make me smile every day.

She was pushed down against the pavement You said she deserved it for the deceptive way she lived her life Nobody helped her they just watched her die You laughed at her funeral You are unforgivable. You sink your teeth into everyone who is not like you The world will die at your hands And you will blame us for your sins But I won’t be here to bear your cross Pro-life but “kill the gays” You say love but you hate the poor There is no peace inside your walls Your doctrine is fueled by hate You made it all yourself You won’t know until it’s too late I called out into the dark And only heard my voice I saw all the bones you keep underneath your bed. You are a cross shaped necklace made in China By a 13 year old girl who makes ten cents a day “jesus saves” but not her, not me, not the protestors in Baltimore, Just those in West Virginia. You have heard it said “love your neighbors and hate your enemies” But I say to you “love your enemies and hate your faggot sons” There is no rest here, your words are full of violence. When will you search for peace? When will you keep your word? PUT ME IN THE GROUND

It’s been a long day I don’t know what I’ve proven If there was anything to say I don’t know about death I don’t know about anything except this falling feeling I’ve got to get up But I’m not ready yet Will I lose myself if I leave this place? I’ve spent my life looking for something to fill me up But nothing works Nothing at all I’m looking for memories that haven’t happened yet Can we drive in my car? Can we sing all those songs, That were made for friends Speeding down the highway? Put the first Joyce Manor record on It makes me feel younger Put “A Promise” on It makes me feel broken Put on the Mountain Goats They make me feel inspired Play “Birthday” It makes everything alright I hope I’m right this time - I hope I make it out I hope next time the songs aren’t so bleak I’m sorry everyone - I don’t want to die I just think about dying - Far too often. I’ll learn something from all this 8 years and counting I’m sure it’ll make sense - When I get out of it I hope I write happy songs I hope I make everyone proud I’m gonna love the mornings - I won’t be tired all the time I’m not gonna get angry - I’m gonna roll with the punches. I’m not gonna lay in this bed anymore I will go down fighting I’ll make it through this year – if it kills me. When everything is said and done I don’t know what I was supposed to learn from this I think I’m standing strong I think I did it right. I got good grades, I said the right things Can you still love me? Even with this falling feeling