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spring is for grief

from tulip by strumi

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lyrics

I am lost inside my soul
I tried to hide it,
but it was a spec of dust under the glass,
it only grew until one day
when you painted my nails black
and I said “it’s not a thing of the past”

now I can’t hide, it’s every day,
I’m watching my hair fall out
I am so afraid
Please try to understand
This is not vanity this is survival
This is not vanity this is fundamental

I’m gonna finish this degree
Then maybe we can leave
They can look us up they’ll have no luck
We are strong and we are free when we shake these chains
I’ve been growing out my hair and buying clothes to some day wear
I tried to hide it all these years I tried to shove it down

But there are some things you can only run from for so long
I know that now more than most
The rest of my life starts to make sense as soon as I accept it
The rest of my life starts as soon as I am free
And goddamn I am so fucking desperate
Cut these chains loose cut my body up
I will escape

And with you by my side maybe I can stand the glares
This is something I have to do
I have tried and tried to do it their way
I nearly died, four years of stasis, 23 of lies
I will never look back when I step out into the sun

credits

from tulip, released March 25, 2020

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strumi Pennsylvania

it's venting, or maybe it's art or it might just be noise, or a waste of time, perhaps it is sacrilege, you tell me.

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